WHY? WHY? WHY?

It's so frustrating when I have a great idea and then don't follow through. I think that all of a sudden I've come up with the best solution... and maybe I have, but because I don't follow through, I fall again!

Today I visited a porn site that I used to view regularly. Why would I even type that into my web browser? BECAUSE I LOST FOCUS! This blog was set up to help me maintain that focus, but it will only be effective if I frequently post my thoughts and feelings on the blog.

I feel so stupid. I feel so scared. I feel so angry. Each time I slip, I'm that much closer to my wife finally giving up and divorcing me. I couldn't live with that. I couldn't live without her or my kids. I have to succeed. I WILL SUCCEED.

1 down, 179 to go!

Typically, after committing myself to quit, the first week is the easiest. Yesterday was no different, but I will admit that when I signed onto my computer this morning, I got distracted from writing this post and didn't do it right away. After looking at some emails and checking some other things
on the web, my mind started to drift and the thought of looking at porn did enter my mind. Luckily, I shut it out fast enough and then remembered that my initial intent in getting on the computer this morning was to write.

It seems that my mind goes through a similar process each time I view pornography. It starts when my mind is bored, when I'm just sitting around. The thought of viewing enters my mind, and I then entertain thoughts about what I'd like to see. Once I start entertaining those thoughts, it's very difficult to get them out of my mind and I end up visiting internet sites and viewing images that I should not.

I need to work more on keeping my mind BUSY!